Indecent Proposal

“i’d rather be in charge.”- Hannah Davis

In May 2006 I graduated college and moved to NYC chasing dreams of becoming a professional actress. For as long as I can remember, this was my dream. At 5 years old, in my kindergarten play, I was cast as the Baby Bear in Goldilocks, and I was hooked on acting!

In retrospect, I really wasn’t a great actress. I never won a lead role in our high school productions, I was only ever cast in ensemble roles in college, and although I did land my first paid, professional acting job in college for an outdoor theatre company, summer stock theatre was hardly prestigious. But, I was stubborn and tenacious with my dream and I had an incredible passion for the entire process of theatre. I truly believed it was what i was meant to do, so there was no stopping me.

My very first NYC headshots at 21 years old. I was ready to land a very serious role!

I hit the ground running when I arrived to New York. I found a great photographer and got headshots, I subscribed to Backstage, an actors guide to castings and classes, and went to every audition I could possibly go to. I took classes with casting directors and made connections. In 2007, one of the acting classes I signed up for was a Soap Intensive instructed by, Bob Lambert, a casting director for All My Children. My scene partner was Michael Galante and I remember being so distracted by his obvious on-screen (and real life) beauty that I really never could get my lines right.

Much to my surprise, a month or two after I completed the class, I got a call from the casting offices of All My Children. They wanted to cast me as a bar patron. This would be a reoccurring extra role that could possibly turn into an Under 5. Under 5 just meant you would be a no name character that had 5 lines or less. So, it would be possible that I would be given a line like, “Hey there, buddy,” or “Wanna dance?”. The job as an extra paid very well and it allowed me to join AFTRA, the union for television actors, which is a milestone for any actor. This was MAJOR in my world. It may as well have been my big break. On my first visit to the ABC studios building, the doors to the elevator open and Whoopie Goldberg is inside on her way up to film The View. She was super friendly and greeted me with a smile and cracked a joke. I was on the same elevator as WHOOPIE!!!

We did A LOT of sitting around in the extras greenroom just waiting to film. One shoot, a wrangler came into the greenroom and asked me if I would like to help Walt Willy read lines. Walt Willy played the lead character, Jackson. Incredibly nervous and confused as to why in the world I was being asked, I agreed.

The wrangler led me to Walt’s dressing room and introduced us. We spent the next hour just chatting and not going over any lines of script. I was so nervous and slightly uncomfortable with the entire situation, that I really don’t remember much of our conversation. When it was time for him to go film, we said a goodbye and I went on my merry way back to greenroom to sit with all the other minions…..where I belonged.

Another day, another shoot, the request came again. “Walt would like to know if you are able to read lines with him?” I imagined answering no was not really an option, so apprehensively, I walked back to his dressing room, this time by myself. After a few minutes, I began to feel like I was on a date that I didn’t want to be on. I nervously laughed off flirty comments and tried to stay as elusive as possible. I became increasingly uncomfortable and felt trapped, not sure how to get out of the situation without offending this ABC soap opera star. As a polite Southern gal, you’re meant to be courteous in all situations. When you turn down advances from a guy who is being slightly inappropriate and creepy, it should always include an “I’m sorry”, a giggle, and a smile.

Walt continued his advances and told me he wanted to spend time with me “outside of here”. I got a little brave and pointed to the picture of his wife and child and said that I didn’t think THEY would agree that it would be a very good idea. He tried to convince me of their open relationship but I still turned him down as graciously as I possibly could. I left his dressing room sure I would never be hired again for another episode of All My Children. I was right. And just like that, my “big” television career was over.

Disheartened by what I thought I would have to do to get ahead as an actress, I decided I didn’t want to be a minion in a million begging to be cast anymore. I wanted to be “in charge”, helping make the decisions on which minions would be cast. So, I went after an internship with Jim Carnahan Casting, one of the leading casting directors in NYC for theatre and I got it. What I wouldn’t learn until later, is that the view from that side of the industry was hardly any better……

Cross Country (Dab)ble

“If you live off a man's compliments, you'll die from his criticism.” ― Cornelius Lindsey

I ran cross country my freshman and sophomore year of high school. My two older sisters, Abby and Tarah, were very good cross country athletes. I however, neither had the passion for it, nor the talent. 

I hated running in the NC summer heat and humidity. I hated how uncomfortable it felt to have my heart rate spike. Running was so boring and so unglamorous. It wasn’t like a sport where you make a big play and get crowd cheers and recognition. As the 4th child of six kids, it’s only natural to crave a little recognition.

My dad was an avid runner in his day and he wanted all of us kids to be great runners too. I don’t remember him forcing me to be on the team, it was just kind of expected. And because my two older sisters were so good (Abby got a college scholarship to run track and Tarah was always top 5), I felt the pressure to be just as good. 

I wasn’t good. And embarrassingly I didn’t even have honorable team ethics. Because I didn’t feel like my efforts mattered to the team, (if you didn’t place top 5, you weren’t earning the team any points), I did everything possible to try to get out of meets. Once, I faked an ankle injury mid race one rainy day so I didn’t have to keep running in the muck. I really hated not being good at something and when I wasn’t, I made excuses. This was true, too, for the 5 other sports I dabbled in through middle school and high school). I even feigned asthma to try to get out of being on the team but my dad just sent me to a physician to get an inhaler. I didn’t have asthma but I got an inhaler anyway. My race pace didn’t improve.

WHS Cross Country Team 1999-2000

One cross country practice as we were performing some core exercises, our Coach pointed me out to the rest of the team as an example of how to properly do the core exercises we were doing. I glowed from that recognition and as crazy as it may seem, it was in that moment that I recognized being strong as an accomplishment. I may not have been a good runner, but I was strong and had great form and that was pretty cool. Coach’s comment was a definitive compliment. Strong became something I wanted to explore more of and in my senior year of high school decided to enroll in a weight lifting class that would introduce me to strength training. 

I’ve struggled to love running my entire life and consider myself a seasonal runner- running only when the mood strikes or the weather is irresistible. I blame high school cross country for that. But, I’m grateful to have dabbled in the sport. It held that defining moment that led to my desire to build strength.